Can Spouses Watch Pornography Together?

The answer that will be given to this question assumes that the question is asking if spouses can watch pornography before or during the marital act in order to prepare for and/or enhance their experience and/or pleasure.

The answer to the question is no, spouses cannot watch pornography together. Here are the reasons. First, using pornography is intrinsically evil, which means it cannot be done for any intention or under any circumstance. Second, if the spouses are experiencing sexual pleasure from the people they are viewing on the screen, then those people are a source of sexual pleasure for the viewing spouses, even if the viewing is done simultaneously with the marital act. The marital act is meant to be an act of exclusive and total self-giving, as well as exclusive and total receiving of only the other. To introduce pornography into this is essentially no different than having another person participate in the overall sexual encounter, since to view pornography in this context is to take some pleasure in the people on the screen when pleasure is supposed to be exclusively and entirely received from and given to the spouse and only the spouse. 

It is essential in marital relations that they take place only between spouses, and it is also essential that spouses treat each other in the marital act as spouses. To add pornography into the experience of the marital act is to prioritize the pleasure in such a way that disregards or interferes with the bonding. When pleasure is properly ordered in the marital act, it serves the purpose of reinforcing the bond between the spouses. When pleasure is sought at the expense of the spouse or at least prioritized over the spouse, then the act becomes lustful. St. Thomas Aquinas distinguishes between a man having relations with his wife as his wife being allowed of course and having relations with his wife as if she were just any woman being sinful. To introduce pornography into the experience of relations with one’s spouse is one way to do what Aquinas condemns in this teaching.

It is clear that there is no way in which viewing pornography can be justified, even as an attempt to enhance the experience of a couple’s marital relations. This is just one of many means in which a couple may seek to do this, but this is not allowed. We understand couples at times want to “spice things up”, and that is part of why we exist. Our other articles, as well as our coaching and consultations, provide more than enough information and opportunities to discover ways of doing this that are in keeping with the teachings of the Catholic Church so that a couple’s marital relations are both moral and pleasurable.