When Desire Disappears: Restoring Libido in Catholic Marriage

Overview

Explore the causes of low libido in marriage from stress to hormones and discover faith-based, practical ways to renew desire and intimacy.

When Desire Disappears: Understanding and Addressing Low Libido in Catholic Marriage

It is not uncommon for married couples to experience periods of mismatched desire. But when that disconnect becomes persistent, it can strain the whole relationship. Low libido, clinically referred to as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is a real issue. And while it is common, it is not something couples have to silently endure.

Sexual desire is part of the Providential design for marital intimacy. When it disappears, couples may feel discouraged or disconnected. But with the right understanding and practical support, desire can often be restored.

What Is Low Libido?

Libido refers to a person’s interest in sexual activity or pleasure. Clinically, persistent lack of desire is classified as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). According to the DSM-5, HSDD is characterized by a “lack of sexual interest and desire for at least six months” that causes personal or relational distress (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). The ICD-10 describes it as “lack or loss of sexual desire,” categorized under sexual dysfunction not caused by organic disorder or disease (World Health Organization, 2019).

You do not need a clinical diagnosis to take the issue seriously. If low desire is causing distress or disconnection in your marriage, it is worth addressing.

Common Causes of Low Libido

Lifestyle Factors

Chronic stress, sleep deprivation, fatigue, and overwork can suppress libido. Couples with demanding careers, children, or financial pressure often find themselves too drained to initiate or receive sexual affection. Sedentary living, poor nutrition, and high levels of screen time also reduce overall vitality and sexual responsiveness.

Excessive pornography use contributes to distorted sexual expectations and lowered responsiveness to real-life intimacy. Studies show that frequent users may struggle to experience arousal in real-life sexual relationships due to desensitization and skewed perceptions of sex (Utah State University Extension, 2023).

Medication-Induced Sexual Dysfunction

Medication, especially psychiatric and cardiovascular drugs, are among the most common and under-recognized contributors to reduced libido.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), widely prescribed for anxiety and depression, frequently reduce sexual desire and arousal. Common examples include:

• Fluoxetine (Prozac)

• Paroxetine (Paxil)

• Sertraline (Zoloft)

• Citalopram (Celexa)

• Escitalopram (Lexapro)

Other medications that may lower libido include:

• SNRIs, such as venlafaxine (Effexor XR)

• Tricyclic antidepressants, such as amitriptyline and nortriptyline

• Antipsychotics, such as risperidone (Risperdal) and olanzapine (Zyprexa)

• Mood stabilizers, such as lithium

• Beta blockers, such as metoprolol and propranolol

• Hormonal contraceptives, which may affect libido in some women

If libido changes coincide with the use of these medications, patients should consult a qualified provider. Often, dose adjustments or switching medications can help (Mayo Clinic, 2024a).

Nutrition and Physical Health

Deficiencies in key nutrients like vitamin D, zinc, and omega-3s may disrupt hormone production and energy levels. Conditions like obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease can impair blood flow and stamina, further suppressing sexual desire.

Fad diets and processed foods may exacerbate these issues. In contrast, whole-food diets rich in fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and healthy fats promote better circulation and hormone regulation.

Although many supplements claim to enhance libido, most are unsupported by research and some pose safety concerns. Always consult a health professional before using over-the-counter sexual enhancement products.

Psychological and Relational Factors

Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and trauma often reduce libido. Depression dulls the experience of pleasure. Anxiety, particularly performance anxiety, can make intimacy feel tense instead of inviting. Unresolved trauma or body image issues may also contribute to avoidance.

Relationally, emotional disconnection and unresolved conflict often precede physical withdrawal. Spouses may avoid sexual connection when communication breaks down or affection becomes routine. Coaching can help couples rebuild communication, trust, and emotional closeness that renews desire.

Hormonal and Age-Related Changes

Hormonal changes across the lifespan affect sexual desire. For women, libido may decline during:

• Postpartum and breastfeeding

• Perimenopause and menopause

• Use of hormonal contraceptives

Low estrogen or testosterone may lead to dryness, discomfort, and reduced receptivity. For men, gradual testosterone decline after age 30 can lead to reduced interest, energy, and erectile function. If hormone imbalances are suspected, medical evaluation is recommended.

Effective Paths to Healing

Lifestyle and Nutrition

Better sleep, regular exercise, stress reduction, and a nutritious diet often restore baseline energy and vitality. Reducing alcohol and quitting smoking also support circulation and hormone regulation.

Non-sexual affection, leisure time, and intentional reconnection outside of the bedroom can revive emotional intimacy, which often precedes desire.

Sex Coaching and Therapeutic Interventions

Sexual intimacy coaching provides education, support, and tools to help couples identify and resolve the roots of low libido. The Apostolate for Marital Intimacy offers both sexual intimacy coaching and pelvic health coaching, with a focus on restoring connection, communication, and function.

Sexual intimacy coaching addresses not just behavior but mindset, physiology, and emotional dynamics, all within the context of marriage.

Medical Evaluation and Treatment

If hormonal or medical factors are involved, a qualified provider can help assess and treat the issue. In some cases, testosterone therapy (for men), localized estrogen (for women), or changes in medication can significantly improve sexual desire.

For premenopausal women diagnosed with HSDD, two FDA-approved medications are available:

• Flibanserin (Addyi) is a daily oral medication that affects serotonin and dopamine balance. It can cause fatigue, low blood pressure, and dizziness, and should not be taken with alcohol (Mayo Clinic, 2024b).
  
  
  

• Bremelanotide (Vyleesi) is a self-injectable drug taken as needed. It stimulates melanocortin receptors in the brain and is not associated with alcohol restrictions, though it may cause nausea and increased blood pressure (Neuroscience Education Institute, 2019).

Both are approved specifically for premenopausal women with clinically diagnosed HSDD.

Next Steps

If low libido is affecting your marriage, you are not alone and you are not powerless. Start by acknowledging the issue gently and honestly with your spouse. Then consider next steps: seek coaching, consult a provider, review your medications, and evaluate lifestyle changes.

The Apostolate for Marital Intimacy offers specialized coaching to support healing in this sensitive area. Sexual desire can be renewed: and when it is, the fruit is not just pleasure, but deeper unity and joy.

Learn more or schedule a consultation here.

References

1.American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596

2.Mayo Clinic. (2024a, August 24). Antidepressants: Which cause the fewest sexual side effects? https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/antidepressants/faq-20058104

3.Mayo Clinic. (2024b, March 7). Low sex drive in women – Diagnosis & treatment. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374561

4.Neuroscience Education Institute. (2019, July 6). Bremelanotide approved to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder. https://www.neiglobal.com/Members/MonthInPsychopharmPost/tabid/509/topic/20302/Default.aspx

5.Utah State University Extension. (2023, April). Effects of pornography on relationships. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships

6.World Health Organization. (2019). International classification of diseases for mortality and morbidity statistics (11th Revision). https://icd.who.int/