A Different Approach to Erectile Dysfunction: Why Less Pressure Often Leads to Better Results

Overview

Erectile difficulties are often sustained by pressure, anxiety, and self-monitoring rather than physical inability. This article explains a structured, coaching-based approach that helps couples remove performance pressure and restore responsiveness through a clear, time-limited process. It also outlines a six-session, $1,500 coaching package designed specifically for couples whose primary concern is erectile difficulties.

Many married men experience periods where erections are unreliable, inconsistent, or difficult to sustain. When this happens, it often brings confusion, frustration, and quiet anxiety into the marriage. Desire may still be present. Love may still be strong. Yet intimacy begins to feel tense or fragile.

The most common assumption is that something must be physically wrong, or that the solution is to try harder. For many couples, neither assumption turns out to be true.

In a coaching setting, we frequently work with couples who have already ruled out major medical concerns and who recognize that pressure, anxiety, or fear of failure plays a significant role in what is happening. In those cases, removing pressure often proves more effective than adding effort.

When Erectile Difficulties Are Maintained by Pressure

We do not diagnose erectile dysfunction, nor do we provide medical or psychological treatment. What we do see, consistently, are patterns.

Many men who present with erectile difficulties describe:

• A previous episode where things did not work as expected

• Increasing self-monitoring during intimacy

• Pressure to perform or avoid disappointing their wife

• Anxiety that intensifies with each attempt

From a practical standpoint, erections are sensitive to stress. When intimacy becomes associated with evaluation or fear, the body often responds by shutting down rather than opening up. Trying harder usually increases the pressure that interferes in the first place.

Why Removing Goals Can Restore Responsiveness

Sensate focus is a structured, skills-based approach that shifts intimacy away from performance and back toward presence and physical awareness. In a coaching context, it is used to help couples step out of goal-driven intimacy and rebuild a sense of safety during physical closeness.

Early stages intentionally remove intercourse and outcome-focused behavior. This is not avoidance. It is a way of interrupting the cycle where intimacy immediately triggers pressure. As pressure decreases, many men notice that responsiveness begins to return naturally, without being forced or monitored.

A Structured Coaching Program for Erectile Difficulties

Because sensate focus follows a clear progression, we offer it as a defined coaching package rather than open-ended sessions. This is not therapy and not diagnosis. It is a focused, pragmatic coaching process for couples who want clarity and direction.

Program details:

• $2,000 $1,500 one-time payment or two $1,100 $825 payments at a month interval

• Six total sessions

• Every other week pacing

• Focused intake (80 min) plus five follow-up sessions (50 min each)

• Clear beginning, progression, and conclusion

The first session includes a focused intake to confirm that erectile difficulties are the primary concern and that this approach is appropriate. After that brief intake portion, couples begin the sensate focus process immediately.

Each follow-up session builds on the previous one. The final session, scheduled after additional time has passed, is used to check stability, address setbacks, and determine whether any further coaching would be helpful.

Who This Program Is Designed For

This program may be a good fit if:

• Erectile difficulties are the primary issue you want to address

• You and your wife generally feel emotionally safe with one another

• You want a structured plan rather than ongoing exploratory coaching

• You are willing to follow a process even if it feels counterintuitive

• Medical causes have already been considered or ruled out as needed

Common Situations Where This Works Well

You may recognize yourself in one or more of these situations:

• You can get an erection, but struggle to maintain it once intercourse begins

• Erections are inconsistent, which increases anxiety each time

• Things work sometimes, but each difficult experience raises the stakes

• Erections appear during affectionate touch but disappear under pressure

• Intimacy has begun to feel tense, awkward, or avoided

In these cases, the issue is often not ability, but pressure.

When This Program Is Not a Good Fit

This program is intentionally narrow in scope. It is not appropriate when:

• Erectile difficulties are not the primary concern

• There is significant unresolved conflict or betrayal

• Active pornography use has not been addressed

• Medical or therapeutic care is clearly indicated but has not occurred

In those cases, a different form of support is usually more appropriate, and we will give you referrals during the intake process.

N.B.: Your wife will also need to complete the intake forms as this method requires both spouses to actively participate.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is this therapy or medical treatment?

  No. This is a coaching-based program. We do not diagnose erectile dysfunction or provide medical or psychological treatment. If medical or therapeutic care is needed, we will recommend appropriate referrals.

• Do I need to see a doctor before starting?

  Often, yes. We encourage couples to rule out medical causes when appropriate. This program works best when serious medical concerns have already been addressed or are not suspected.

• What if we start and realize something else is going on?

  The intake process is designed to confirm fit before proceeding. If it becomes clear that this program is not appropriate, we will recommend a different coaching path or outside support.

• Why would avoiding intercourse help?

  For many couples, intercourse has become the moment where pressure peaks. Temporarily setting it aside breaks that association. When demand is removed, anxiety often decreases, which can allow responsiveness to return naturally.

• How long does the program last?

  The program includes six sessions total, scheduled every other week. Most couples complete the process in about three months, with the final session spaced slightly later for consolidation and check-in.

• What if it doesn’t fully resolve the issue?

  Many couples experience meaningful improvement. If additional support is needed, we can discuss whether ongoing coaching or a different approach would be helpful. There is no obligation to continue beyond the program.

• Is this compatible with our Catholic faith?

  Yes. This approach respects marital intimacy, avoids explicit or inappropriate practices, and emphasizes mutual presence, trust, and attentiveness within marriage.

• How do we get started?

  You can begin by using the link below to complete the intake forms. That will allow us to confirm whether this focused coaching program is a good fit and schedule the first session.

N.B.: Your wife will also need to complete the intake forms as this method requires both spouses to actively participate.