Can Catholic Spouses Exchange Sexy Photos With Each Other?

In this article, we will answer whether or not Catholic spouses can morally send each other sexually risqué photos of each other to spice up intimacy or prepare for the conjugal act.

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While we have addressed the topic of sexting in a prior article, I want to focus a bit more narrowly on whether or not it is permissible for spouses to send sexually suggestive or explicit photos of each other, privately and exclusively. Now since moral theology manuals were written prior to a time where everyone had access to handheld cameras, we will need to tackle this question by appealing to other questions moralists have tackled which bear direct relevance to the moral inquiry we are dealing with here. While moralists in the past have not directly addressed the exchange of sexually risqué photos between spouses, they have addressed the issue of what is traditionally referred to as morose delectation. This refers to times when a spouse conjures up sexual thoughts about his or her spouse and derives some form of sexual pleasure from those thoughts. The great majority of traditional moralists find this to be morally unobjectionable, so long as it does not constitute a near occasion for the sin of masturbation. The reason why this is permissible is because the conjugal state legitimizes the pleasures that surround the marital embrace, and those for whom the marital embrace is permitted are also entitled to those pleasures which are associated with the marital embrace so long as the ends of marriage are not offended against by, say, sins against nature. You can find this opinion repeated several times in our Compendium of traditional moral theologians which you can find here. 

Since, therefore, it is morally licit for spouses to conjure up sexual images of each other in the mind, it would necessarily follow logically that it would likewise be licit for spouses to view photographic images of each other as well. One could even argue that a photographic image is more tethered to the reality of who your spouse is than a mental image which can easily morph into other likenesses or obscure within the mind characteristic details of your spouse’s true and natural appearance. Especially when preparing for conjugal intercourse, this can provide a unique opportunity for each spouse to linger more intently on what they find desirable in each other. 

Of course, having said this, caveats must be made. When exchanging such pictures or images, there are a number of dangers that must be avoided. For one, if the images become a proximate occasion or danger for the sin of masturbation, then spouses should cease altogether from sending each other images of this kind. For two, if the taking of these pictures are facilitated in any way by a third person (say, as in a boudoir photoshoot), then this would constitute the sin of pornography and could not be done under any circumstances. Similarly, the utmost care must be taken so that these photos cannot be seen by any other person under any circumstances. There is also the potential danger for this to lead to a spirit of objectification in how spouses view each other, and while in most cases this would not constitute a danger for anything exceeding venial sin, it is a tendency that spouses must resist so as to allow for true and lasting intimacy to flourish. In light of these dangers, is this something we should simply consider as “not always sinful”, or can we see something positive or even potentially fruitful in spouses who do this? When done prudently and with Christian self-restraint, I do think this practice has the potential for eliciting in each spouse a deeper appreciation for what they find desirable in each other. There is nothing wrong with spouses focusing more intently on the physical features they have to offer each other. The Creator fashioned our bodies to elicit precisely this response within the exclusive mutually self-giving bond of marriage. So long as this is does, again, with Christian self-restraint, for the right reasons, and in a way that excludes a danger for the sin of masturbation, spouses should not scruple over this.