Answering a Reader's Question on Whether the Marital Debt Can Extend to Acts of Foreplay

Does the Catholic marital debt extend beyond the conjugal act to foreplay or other incomplete sexual acts? Drawing on traditional moral theologians such as St. Alphonsus, Sanchez, and Ballerini, this article explains what spouses may reasonably owe one another in the exercise of marital rights and where the limits lie.

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A reader asks: When Catholics say that spouses are bound to accept a spouse’s request for the conjugal act, does this also apply to acts of foreplay or even incomplete sexual acts? 

Answer: Normally, the marital debt strictly applies to the full conjugal act. This is because it is the conjugal act that grounds the legitimacy of all other incomplete expressions of sexual love, and it is the right to the conjugal act that flows directly from the sacrament of marriage which is what grounds the mutual authority of husband and wife in this way in the first place. Nevertheless, I have been reading some moral theology on this lately and I think it is important to recognize that spouses do actually have conjugal rights that go beyond simply performing the full conjugal act. For example, Ballerini, speaking about incomplete expressions of sexual love, acknowledges that inasmuch as the recipient of a request for a mutual incomplete sexual act is asked to “do something licit”, then he is “bound because of the right of one who asks”. This, according to Ballerini, is also the opinion of St. Alphonsus and Sanchez. 

Therefore, while the marital debt strictly speaking applies in its full gravity to requesting the conjugal act, I do think that at least in regular and normal circumstances, spouses are bound to heed to legitimate and reasonable requests of their spouse so long as they are not requesting anything sinful or seriously repugnant to the other spouse’s sexual sensibilities.